we made out on top of his cat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize