know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
