420 ftw
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
