I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
