I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
