So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
