I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
