made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think my moral compass just broke
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
