you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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