I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
