4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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