My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
