I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she told me i tasted like america
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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