i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I still have a little drunk in my system
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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