Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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