Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize