How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
