so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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