i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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