can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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