I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
