Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
