we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
