Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
