Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
