if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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