NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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