so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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