Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
