bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
