I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
