I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
