Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize