then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
