If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then