i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever