u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.