i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.