Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
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It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????