I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed