He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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