I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
