You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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