I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
