i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
