Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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