I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
