Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
