But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
