Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
