You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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