I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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