I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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