It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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