You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got inside last night via doggy door
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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