you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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