return my video game
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
