I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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