I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
