ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
