You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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