Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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