Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
