and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"