It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER