he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face