after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing