So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.