He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
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I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
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Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.